“PANIC ROOM”

NUTSHELL RECAP: “Anybody Seen my Fingers?”

Yes, it’s “The Revenge of the Apple Dumpling Gang!” This time they not only have inane banter going for them, but a lust for real blood and sledgehammer action. Of course it doesn’t count if you actually get slammed in the temple by a 20 pounder, deftly swung with no apparent effort by a buffed-out Lamb silencer named Jodie. The point is to dddrrraaaggg out every possible frame and thus make the executive producers feel they’ve got their investment well and truly secured.

Okay… it made a lot of money over the first weekend. That’s because no one had seen it yet and Jodie Foster and Forrest Whittaker are generally terrific actors who draw crowds. Even they couldn’t help this gasser. I was really rooting for Jodie to blow up the entire house so I could go and have dinner, but like Peter Sellers in “The Party”, these Gungadin characters just wouldn’t stay down. I fell over a balcony once and was out for two days.

Dumpling #2 (Dwight Yokam – who looks a lot like Ron Howard’s baby brother Clint) must have an iron skull. He’s amazing! The story had more holes than the walls of this supposed posh New York brownstone. Who in their right mind would move their kid (not sure if the kid was actually a he or she) into a depressing, filthy- looking, muted-toned, ill-lit, fixer-upper? Actually I take that back – while the elevator too, was jammed, we were assured that one of the toilets did work by way a delightful scene wherein Jodie is sitting on the pot, piddling away.

Bottom Line – I too, piddled away the evening sitting in my theater seat, so I guess we’re even.

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